Donald Trump’s latest “joint address” to Congress wasn’t a vision—it was a boozy fever dream scrawled on a Mar-a-Lago bar napkin, smeared with ketchup and paranoia. The big reveal? A “bold new plan” to save America’s innocent youth from the radical left’s sinister plot to teach them tolerance, history, and the historical fact that slavery actually happened. Instead, the MAGA Messiah is here to protect the children from woke demons like diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) and, of course, “gender ideology”—the vague, spectral boogeyman that now haunts every suburban mom’s Facebook feed. Naturally, he’s also “saving our girls” from the transgender apocalypse in locker rooms and sports, because nothing says “serious governance” like turning middle school gym class into an OANN horror movie.

This isn’t policy. It’s a revenge fantasy from a man who thinks “curriculum” is a cocktail ingredient.

Enter Linda McMahon, Education’s Newest Heel

And because every dystopian nightmare needs a proper henchman, Trump’s chosen Linda McMahon—yes, that Linda McMahon—to lead the charge. For those unfamiliar, McMahon’s resume includes overseeing scripted steel-chair beatdowns and grifting wrestling fans out of pay-per-view money. Her biggest qualification for this gig? Standing next to Vince McMahon while he turned roided-up stuntmen into children’s heroes. But sure, let’s hand her the nation’s school system, because clearly what the Department of Education needs is more body slams and fewer books.

Trumpworld is selling McMahon as a “deeply experienced, proven leader”—which is true if you consider turning fake blood into real dollars a prerequisite for managing public schools. In reality, she’s just another high-powered Trump flunky who will cheerlead while he takes a sledgehammer to any policy containing the word “equity.” The goal isn’t reform. It’s demolition. And when it all goes to hell, McMahon will take the hit while Trump waddles off to another rally, claiming he was betrayed.

The Fake Persecution Complex Hits Schools

Naturally, the MAGA propaganda machine is already sobbing about Biden’s “four-year attack” on Christian schools. Apparently, the real victims of government overreach aren’t, say, underpaid teachers or kids with crumbling textbooks, but private evangelical universities fined for lying to students. The most tragic examples?

  • Grand Canyon University: Fined $37.7 million for failing to disclose the real cost of its doctoral programs.
  • Liberty University: Docked $14 million for fudging crime reports—something they claim never happened.

Together, that’s $51.7 million, more than all other education fines in the past seven years combined. MAGA world calls this proof of “anti-Christian bias.” Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, these institutions are bad at hiding fraud. But since it’s 2025 and facts are optional, the preferred narrative is “Biden’s Department of Education ran a hit squad against Jesus schools,” rather than the far more boring truth: they got caught cooking the books.

Meanwhile, Michigan State—infamous for covering up Larry Nassar’s serial sexual abuse—paid a paltry $4.5 million, and Penn State—home of the Sandusky scandal—got off with $2.4 million. In MAGA math, this means religious schools are the real oppressed minority.

Of course, Biden’s DOE may have overreached here. Selectively hammering Bible colleges while letting state schools off easy is an objectively bad look. But Trump’s “fix” isn’t about fairness—it’s about shoveling taxpayer cash into private hands while nuking whatever remains of public education. And now, with McMahon in charge, the demolition crew is already warming up.

MAGA Schools: Where Facts Go to Die

McMahon’s “deep reform” plan? Easy:

  1. Ban anything “woke”—a term now vague enough to include basic arithmetic.
  2. Gag teachers—because nothing terrifies conservatives more than educators with agency.
  3. Gut oversight—because if you stop checking for fraud, it magically disappears.

Her confirmation was hyped as a “showdown”—with those nasty Democrats allegedly screaming at her while she remained “calm and convicted.” But let’s be real: McMahon wasn’t stoic. She was just dead-eyed from decades of pretending WWE promos were real. This is a woman who has spent her career delivering scripted outrage for a living—why would Senate hearings be any different? The only thing she had to do was sit there, absorb the yelling, and wait for the checks to clear.

Now confirmed, her “job can finally begin”, which, translated from MAGA-speak, means open season on schools.

The Real Plan: Turn Classrooms into MAGA Indoctrination Camps

Let’s drop the act: Trump isn’t fixing education. He doesn’t care about schools, kids, or policy. He cares about settling scores—this time, by replacing “woke indoctrination” with its red-hatted twin. His dream scenario? Public schools running like low-rent MAGA boot camps, where book burnings are considered extra credit, and the only acceptable answers are whatever Fox News was screaming the night before.

Biden’s education agenda was a bureaucratic mess, no doubt. But Trump’s replacement? It’s a clown car on fire, barreling straight into a brick wall—and we’re all stuck in the backseat.